The Ryno Pen

In a burst of “we can’t do nothing, so let’s do something” Chinese Fire Drillery, certain of Australia’s national and state leaders have decided that What The World Needs Now Is Warnings On Booze Labels…

Sure, it’s going to change things, people.

I can see promotional stubbie coolers making a huge comeback, for a start. Insulate your hand and your eyes in one go!

I can see a few new party games, as well:

• Okay, the spinner stops on “Heart Disease”! All players with a Heart Disease label, skoll ‘em down now!
• Be the first to drink through all ten warnings, drawing blindfolded from an Esky. Doubles don’t count, and chundering is Bad Form.
• B&S Balls will be enlivened as Bruce with a Foetal Alcohol Syndrome warning label seeks Sheila with same.

Of course, the warnings could go beyond the purely clinical labels we’ve seen with cigarette packets. May your humble blogonaut offer a suggestion (with all homage due to the late Basil Wolverton)?

^{Pour les Femmes}

Or, on a serious note, what about looking into the myriad causes of excessive drinking, like all the general Lack Of Future that’s going on?

Second thought: move over and pass me a XXXXXXX Mower Fuel ‘n’ Sarsaparilla - if I’m going there in a handbasket, I don’t care to be sober either.