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20 10 2007

Humming The Theme From MASH - pt 2

Posted by: ryno in diary, dreams, suicidal ideation

This is about one of my coping strategies to stave off some of my worse impulses. If you are likely to have issues with suicide, self-harm and the like, stop reading now.

Lucid dreams don’t happen for me all that frequently. I’d sooner have a CD than a DVD any day, so I take my Moving Pictures where I can get ‘em, apparently.

This time I was in a big shop, arranging a whole bunch of stuff for two friends who were getting married. It seems I had the job of supplying all the future stuff for the happy couple: house, car, pets, the whole shebang. For reasons only applicable to Dream Logic, everything I bought was a cutesy rubber version of the “real” thing.

rubberdollnoy.jpg rubberdollgirl.jpg rubberdolldog.jpg rubberdollcat.jpg rubber_house_dungeness.jpg rubber_car.jpg

Then all these rubber items started to perish: went all icky and blotchy.
2007-10-20-chickenhead-005.jpg

I guess the subtest is nothing’s permanent, and sometimes the image was never actually the thing or person it represented. Entropy shows the final nature of everything is pretty well like everything else.

subtext.JPG

I’m not at any extreme risk of checking out right now. I have too many obligations, debts of honour, and the like. But I’m not fond of the world beyond my fence.

Rubber Dukkha, looks like we got a convoy.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 20th, 2007 at 1:11 am and is filed under diary, dreams, suicidal ideation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “Humming The Theme From MASH - pt 2”

  1. Ser Kai/Naiiad says:
    October 20th, 2007 at 10:41 am

    You also have a Caity, a Kittern & a Poodle. Not forgetting the good stuff is very important when one feels like this.

    I wish I could help further but that’s not really possible, of course. I hope you have the means to combat clinical depression. I’m pretty sure you’re smart enough to know of just about everything I could suggest.

    Take care of you, please.

    Ryno says:
    I have agreed that I could never leave anybody to explain why I wasn’t there to the cat or dog.

    I’m going to survive as long as possible. Admitting there are times I feel like opting-out is part of the strategy: I don’t adapt well to “La La, Let’s Think About Fluffy Unicorns” stuff when all I can see is a surrounding morass of shite with the tide coming in.

    Physical pain doesn’t help. The past few days have seen one of my best Boraxed Ant impressions of recent years.

    The Black Dog, when not at its worst, drives my artistic stuff, so it ain’t all bad.

    You appear to be stuck with me for a time, but I’m stuck with the little bastard behind me. He has a habit of intruding at the most inopportune moments.

  2. Chris says:
    October 20th, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    I’ve been pondering a response. I just can’t come up with anything useful to say. I wanted to acknowledge that you were heard and I care for what it’s worth

    Ryno says:
    Thanks. To be heard is pretty good: “understood” is something even I can’t manage, and here I am at the middle of it. It’s apparently healthy if I vent now and then.

  3. Ser Kai/Naiiad says:
    October 21st, 2007 at 2:19 am

    Neither of us are fluffy unicorn people. I’m sorry if I came across that way. Venting helps me too, as does kind words/concern from people that I know do care. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intention. May this flare & the black dog pass expediently.

    Ryno says:
    I must apologise. The “fluffy unicorn” bit was definitely not for you: I’m referring to the actions of some people I have known in the past, and anticipating that it is likely to happen again. Unfortunately I’m not so dulled as I could be: Pollyannas give me the shits.

    I’ve troughed (well that would be the opposite of “peaked”, I suppose) and it isn’t real fun. Even a few motorsport events on TV haven’t been much more than the equivalent of a mouthful of dry arrowroot biscuits, and I am normally passionate about my brrrm-brrrms.

    We’ll see where it goes from here. I’m treating it as a challenge, to see what different creative approaches the changed mind-state brings. If only I felt motivated.

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